So this year is weird right? It seems to be throwing something new at us every way we turn. Some of that has been hard and some of it has been AWESOME for my family. Change in general isn’t something I eagerly seek out, I assume most people don’t. However, change can be the answer to our prayers.
I took this photo several months back. My daughter and I were taking a casual drive to Zion National park, something we do frequently in every season but the summer. We were about done and ready to head home. The way home crosses this pretty iconic bridge in the park that has become a photographers hot spot and for good reason. I mean it’s really hard to take a bad shot here. I drove across the bridge saw the sun starting to set and the 50 people lined up to take their million dollar/ million followers, shot and I kept driving.
To be honest, I get annoyed at this spot. Like i said it is beautiful. It’s hard to turn this spot into an ugly picture so there is some element of comfort in that but, it’s what everyone one else is doing. I don’t know why there is that side of me that doesn’t want to be part of the crowd, do the things everyone else is doing, or “trend”, but it’s there and has been for as long as I remember. So, since everyone takes this shot, it’s my least favorite place in the park to shoot. Since everyone that has ever been to Zion seems to have this shot hanging on their wall, in their “pictures” folder, or they have this posted on their social media, I immediately move on 99% of the time I drive by it. That day was no different.
The sky had different plans though. My daughter and I kept driving like I said and we didn’t get too far from the spot and the sky started to explode with colors. We pulled into a parking lot and I thought, I will just shoot from here. Those shots came out well, and I’m happy with them. However, that feeling in the back of my mind to go back to the bridge didn’t go away so we turned around and became one with the masses.
I intentionally didn’t bring my big girl camera on this trip. I sometimes feel like when I bring it, I’m working and sometimes I just want to get away from everything and enjoy face to face, not face to lens, time with my family. This was one of those times. I did of course have my handy dandy cell phone though so why not. I took all these sunset shots in a beautiful location with a beautiful sky but I wont lie, I was disappointed that I only had my cell phone. I mean I struggle with my phone camera. I know so many people are killing it right now with their phone cameras but I am not those people.
I posted pictures of our day on social media. It was shared over 1.3k times. I know for some people that may not be a lot but for me, it was roughly about 1.250k’s more shares than any of my other posts. This crazy, run back and snap a few with a cell phone I hardly know how to use, post was being seen around the world and people were liking it. I needed to change my mindset.
It’s hard to not get caught up in the “I should have been better” race. We all do it in some way or another. Sometimes it’s in the form of “I wish I had more”, or “I’m not as good as…”. It comes in a lot of different ways but no matter how it comes, it steals something from us. On the day of this shot and many more to follow, those thoughts stole some joy from me. I felt like because this wasn’t taken on a fancy camera that has taken me a lot of work to learn, that they were not good enough. Even worse than that, I felt like since these cell phone shots were more popular than anything else I had produced, that I was a fraud as a photographer. Looking back now, I’m not proud of those thoughts.
I want each change to be something I can learn and grow from. It took me months but now I can see that in that moment, on that day, I did the best I could with what I had. I took an opportunity that my pride fought me on and shot in a place that would be common. I used gear that I haven’t mastered and don’t usually get very good results from. I pushed myself to step outside of my comfort zone. The world applauded me ( ok so a small, small portion of the world) for it, yet at the time I still felt sad about it.
This experience, several others, and now the covid/race wars can be scary. They can be out of our comfort zone for sure. There is something wonderful about accepting ourselves for doing the best we can with that we have, and learning to love ourselves and then see where we can become better and work on that. This life was never meant to be one main event. It is built on many many many small events that help us prepare for the next event and help us get to a position to help other people, even if it is as simple and silly seeming as a sunset picture to remind people there is still light and beauty in the world.