I clearly remember waking up and getting ready for work that morning. I remember taking a second out of the bathroom to turn on the radio to get my day started right. Music always seemed to have an affect on my mood, good or bad. I remember like it was yesterday that there wasn’t any music. I sat and listened as the world I knew seemed to be crumbling. I debated about turning the radio back off and making it all go away. I knew that I couldn’t.
I know that nothing in this blog post will be profound or life changing. I also know that I haven’t really spoken about that day in many many years and that’s a shame. My kids don’t really know much about what happened that day in the world or in my small world for that matter. I have not done a great job about teaching them the history I have lived through and assume that they will learn about it in a history class or something else. This is where I am failing them and today, I hope that I change that.
That morning felt so unreal, like it was a horrible awful nightmare that I couldn’t wake up from. Please don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t personally attached to the towers or anyone travelling that day. I didn’t have that first hand fear that so many people suffered. I had it much better than so many but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t a wake up call that I needed so badly but wish I never got.
As I went to work I vividly remember getting in the doors and immediately picking up the phone to call someone, someone I actually couldn’t stand the day before. A person who had caused a ton of pain and frustration to me and my family. I was suddenly worried about him. In that moment it was bizare how much I worried about someone I secretly ( or not so secretly ) had wished many times would be abducted by aliens or something and taken off this planet and away from me and my young son, and my son who was due to be born in 3 months. It was like the world telling me to stop letting all the things that keep my from loving one each other and letting go of hate and anger to give more room to love those in my circle.
Please do not misunderstand, I am not saying we need to go out and embrace all of our enemies. There are certainly people that need kept at bay, and honestly, he was still kept out there away in the safety zone. However, I couldn’t help but worry about him. He hadn’t always been a bad guy and in that moment on that day I couldn’t see all of the things he did that made me turn red at the sound of his name, I just wanted to make sure he was safe and knew that I cared. I found some peace on that day and my wall came down.
The only thing I wanted to do that day was spend time with my son. I didn’t know what was next or how much time I had left. I wasn’t in fear that my town would be bombed or anything but you know that feeling of just knowing that tomorrow isn’t promised to us was unnervingly real. People entered the bank that I worked at with a very different demeanor that day. There was lots of concern but also lots of embracing and love. Most people seemed to have stayed home though, with loved ones, keeping everyone close.
I was so proud of the way people pulled together after that day. I mean it was clear that we were Americans and that we were in this together. People gathered together to support each other, to clean up and to mourn. We were all in this and we put aside differences and held each other.
I know that so many of you have so much more to say about that day. I was involved in a small portion of what happened that day but it did change my world and gave me a new view on those that I don’t/ didn’t care for. I have been forgetting some of those lessons as the world seems to have been getting a lot more angry and dark. Today, I choose to remember, not just that day but the lesson of love I learned from that day. Today I choose to embrace those that are close to me a little longer knowing that tomorrow is only hoped for and not guaranteed. Today, I choose to be a bit more kind and caring to those that I have struggled with. Today, I choose to let go of hurt and anger and judgement, especially toward myself, and let my light shine accepting me and others for the person they are and the good that they do or have done Today I choose to go out of my way to make sure no one feels alone because today could be their last day. And today, I choose to teach my children about one of the scariest and most eye opening days in my life so that they know that I never forgot..
