What a whirlwind week this has been. Many ups and downs and circles really. I mean I’m honestly trying to look at things on the bright side and enjoy the adventure with all that comes with it. However, if you have followed along with me on this journey or you know me at all, you know that I have a real need to be real and not to portray the pretty just so that everyone stays comfortable. So lets just jump right in.
After last weeks adventure entry, I had a meeting with a committee I am part of. I’ve wanted to speak up about something for awhile but, I’m the new kid on the block so to speak and well, it’s intimidating. This week I spoke up. It was fine right up until I was asked to present the idea at our next meeting……I’m never sure if being shut down immediately is worse or better than the dreaded- put a lot of work into something and question your every move knowing that your ideas will never be good enough- lets hear what your thinking, opportunity. So, I came home fired up and started working on what I might say and present to them. That lasted like an hour and then life happened and its now been just shy of a week and I haven’t touched it again.
Fridays adventures took us to our sons High School basketball games, as did tonight. It’s so hard to watch them with only a handful of other parents in the stands and to be told grandma and grandpa can’t go or siblings. When our kids participate in something, our family supports them and shows up to their events, being told we can no longer do that as a family breaks my heart and I can not help but wonder how many “small” things like this are tearing families apart or simply letting them drift apart. It’s hard to be happy for them getting to play but so sad about who can attend at the same time.
Next up was Rec basketball, same deal, only a handful of parents allowed and the team we coach got killed. It always makes me wonder if I’m doing enough. What did we need to work harder on in practice? Maybe we aren’t making it fun enough. Someone else should probably coach because we get too excited during the games. All the you aren’t enough negative head talk hits hard after a big loss. We tried to hike it off after but realized that the hike I picked and the car we drove had different plans that didn’t include each other so we ended up at a random new trail head. This actually turned out to be a good thing because it is something new and I love new places to check out. However, it wasn’t the best time of year so it was just dry and dead right now. I was trying to embrace the positive. Then we got the news. My grandfather in-law passed away.
Sunday we did a bit of driving and ended up seeing lots of deer, some eagles, a coyote and some big horn sheep. Not terrible for a days drive right? I did feel incredibly blessed to live in the area I do. On the way home we shared the news of Grandpa’s passing and my little one broke down. I couldn’t help but wonder how we are all made so different and how wonderful it is that we are. I have two kiddos that have a very hard time with death. My youngest still cries randomly because she misses our dog that we put down several years ago. I on the other hand have always looked at death as a blessing. Freedom from the worry and pain of this life. She isn’t wrong, nor am I. Just different and I’m so glad.
This year I am doing a 365 day photo challenge. There is a word prompt each day and the goal is to get my camera out and create an image I can post each day. While I love this idea and the first week went awesome, this week was rough. The prompts were hard, the motivation was not there, and I just felt like there really was no point in doing it. A few days I cheated and used my cell phone to snap a quick picture and then felt like a failure. However, I quickly realized that I never planned to be perfect or that I would end up with 365 amazing images that i wanted to hang all over my home, I just wanted to use my camera more and wanted to finish something. I realized that I’m doing the best I can. Man those head games are rough right?
This week I have yelled at my kids, I’ve sat around instead of cleaning, I’ve thought horrible things about myself and I’ve cried, a lot. This week I have also, made dinner, spent time with my husband, watched hours of basketball, served my community, asked about my children’s day, crafted gifts, and attended meetings. It wasn’t a perfect week, they never are. My attitude needed a little adjusting, it always will. However, I’m here. I get to try again this up coming week and hopefully get better at some aspects of it. Here’s to next weeks adventure!
